Letting Go

00:30 Unknown 0 Comments

Hello, it's ten minutes past nine a.m and this is Paxton coming to you live from OAU, the most beautiful campus in West Africa. This is tinglingteenonair and I am so glad to be here. It's a lovely morning, the birds are chirping, the trees are dancing, the sky is blue and today is a great day.

So this morning I want to talk about letting go. I'm sure you're wondering what we're letting go of. We're letting go of everything, pain, anger, regret, hurt and people. You might have noticed with some of my poems that I had to learn to let go too but I found that letting go of people that hurt me is the hardest thing to do. Let me break it down, I get hurt a lot (contrary to popular believe) because I tend to hold on to things people say or said or did. I don't forget and somehow hold on so much that it affects my other relationships. Now I'm extremely loyal and find it almost impossible to let go of a person, I hold on even after the person has shown time and time again that they don't want to be friends anymore, I still hold on to hope. While hope is good, there are times that letting go will give more relief than holding on be it in friendship, relationship or even feelings.

So this morning, I want you to take stock of your life. Is there any person, hurt, pain, disappointment, relationship, friendship, even past achievement that is weighing you down and preventing you from moving forward? Then please, let go. It might hurt now but it won't hurt forever and you'll be surprised how much better you'll feel.
That's all for now, do tune in again to tinglingteenonair and get the latest gist, advice and information. This is your home girl, Paxxy, signing out. You can tweet me @marianne_sweet
#tinglingteenonair #keepingitreal #paxxy



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For The Girl I Used To Be 2

07:19 Unknown 0 Comments

Hey there! How've you been? Hope you're holding on to hope. This time around I'm continuing my poem or basically writing another poem on the same theme. This one is a little close to my heart and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, it's a poem of hope in despair and a touching tribute to who I am and who I have become.


   I hope you see me in every line just like I did. Here it goes:

  I used to be that girl..
  That girl who believed with all her heart that love was just right there waiting
  That everyone was good
  That pain, undescribable pain, didn't exist
  I used to believe with every fibre of my being
  That love was everywhere
  If only I'll stop to take it
 I believed in the perfect
That bad things didn't come and go
That life doesn't hold more pain than joy
That love was everlasting
And we all had a piece of it

Until...
One rainy day
I saw the truth
The painful
Heartrending
Heartbreaking truth
That love didn't always exist
That fire didn't always burn
Love wasn't perfect
And cute
And sweet
And always without pain
Sometimes love hurts too
Sometimes the people you love
Will hurt you
Break your heart into a tiny little pieces
Pieces that could never be whole again
That innocent
Big hearted
Fun loving
Trusting
Believing girl
Was gone
Gone....

I used to be that girl...
Who wore her heart out on her sleeve
Who decided to stop looking
For love in people
But who chose to find love
In the pages of a book
Pages of novels written
Both old and new
I found that forever
In the written word
So I chose to block out the pain that way
To find happy ever after
In fairy tales
And to believe that
Just around the corner
Mine will come to take me out
Of the pain I sometimes feel
I saw myself in everyone of those characters
I became them...

Until...
One day,
I couldn't
I couldn't see myself there again
I couldn't find my joy there again
That forever love
It wasn't coming for me
That amazing joy
It ended there
That was not my life
And that fateful day
I realized
It never was
And it never will be
So I stopped
Yes I stopped believing...

I used to be that girl...
Who created stories
Who wrote her pain down
Painstakingly honest with myself
In the pages of a blank paper
Seeing and bleeding
It out
I found that I was better that way
Putting just a little bit of myself
Right there
Me in every single character
Me in every single word
I became my own everything
My own love
My own best friend
My very own true love...

Until...
I lost my heart
My faith
My joy
My forever
I couldn't find her
That girl who had the best advice
Who listened without judging
Who became without question
Because she had lost a part of herself too
And so she just couldn't
Couldn't be honest anymore
Couldn't believe anymore
She couldn't bear to be
Painstakingly honest
Because she was afraid of what she'll find there
So she chose to hide
Hide behind friends
Hide behind smiles
Fake laughter
Sweet words
Everyone's forever
Except hers....

Until...
She found hope
Hope where she thought she'd lost it
Hope in that girl
Hope in that love
Hope in those pages
Hope in that honesty
So she found love again
Maybe it wasn't hers
Maybe it never will be
But for right now,
It was hope
It was home
It was hers
It was here
And so she'll hold on
Hold on to it
Maybe it won't last
Maybe it won't stay
Maybe it won't always be hers
Maybe she could never be that girl again
Maybe her heart is too broken
Maybe forever didn't exist
Maybe there's heartbreak just around the corner
Maybe life will still bring her right back down
Maybe love will always elude her
Maybe she didn't even deserve it

But...
For right now,
Hope exists
Hope
The rainbow kind
The kind that tugs at your heart
The kind that keeps you moving
When it all falls apart
The kind that holds on just because
Hope
Hope that life will go on
Hope that her love wasn't lost
Hope that her faith wasn't dying
Hope that she'll survive whatever
Hope that her forever wasn't lost
Hope that her bestie was still here
Hope that That girl didn't die
Hope...

Because sometimes...
You look around and it's all gone
You look behind and there's no one
You look inside and it's all quiet
But you just have to look up
And you'll find it
That Hope
The one that can only come when
It has all come crashing down
Because sometimes
All you ever need is
Hope..

                             Till next time... It's
                                                            Paxxy.

0 comments:

For The Girl I Used To Be

14:45 Unknown 0 Comments


Hey everyone, it's your girl Paxxy. I'm not going to go into everything I've been through these past few days, I'm just going to post a poem I've been working on. It's something I wrote for myself and what I wish I told myself so long ago.  Hope you like it...

Some days are better than others
Some days you won't be able to get up
Some days the weight of life will press you down
Some days you won't be able to stop the tears
Some days life will seem unlivable
Some days heaven will fall
Some days no one will be there
Some days comfort will elude you
Some days pain will be constant
Some days you'll be heartbroken
Some days...

But I want you to know
That that's not all
That life isn't always bleak
That pain isn't always constant
That you can smile through the tears
That life can hold both pain and joy
It's a choice you have to make
It's not always easy
Nor is it always fair
But life has a way of giving you silver linings at the end of the clouds
It might not look like it now
but you'll survive it
You can and you will

You'll have to pick yourself up though
To smile when you don't want to
To find joy in little things
To be strong for yourself
No one else can do that
Just you
This pain isn't forever
Not if you don't let it
And you won't,
You can't..

                                 Till next time... It's
                                                               Paxxy.



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The Breaking Down of the Ceiling

08:43 Unknown 0 Comments


This week was an amazing victory for women everywhere regardless of who you are and what you believe and that's what I'll dwell on today. This week Hillary Clinton became the presumptive nominee for The Democratic Party making her the first woman to do so from either party in America. It was a victory like no other signaling that women and girls can do anything they put their mind to, including becoming a president (yay!)
     
     It is a wake up call to us girls though,a call to change our believe system. To push the social envelope, to stop being molded by society's standards of what we can or cannot do; to stop being straight jacketed. It's something we all have to fight and it's something we need to start doing. Now it's not a fight that can be won in a day but it's a fight that can be won with a combination of determination, ability,faith and individuality. A fight that being female does not make me inferior or second best, that I am not just made for the kitchen, to satisfy a man but that I am an individual with strength and dreams and the ability to make them come true just as much as a man can, maybe even better. A fight that my emotional complexity does not make me inferior but strong enough to deal with life and all it's challenges. It's a fight that I must win regardless of how many times I lose.

      And Hillary Clinton and every female who refuses to be boxed in  a corner is fighting that fight;her recent win is a win not just for her but for each and every one of us. A win that shows us that if we also keep on fighting we can and will win. In her last race for the White House which she lost to President Obama, she got 18 million votes and in her speech, she said that those 18 million votes were cracks in the ceiling; Cracks in a ceiling of impossibilities, imposibilities that are now possible. That a woman, if she aspires to be, can do it too.
     
 Her claim this week as the presumptive nominee is not just a crack in the ceiling but a break down of that ceiling. It has opened doors we weren't sure could be opened, broke barriers that looked like strong walls and finally it has given a voice to girls and women, indeed to females everywhere that Yes We Can Do it!
#Historymade #proudlyfemale
                                                                                               Till next time.... It's 
                                                                                                                             Paxxy.

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Tinglingteen On Air

20:36 Unknown 0 Comments

That moment when tomatoes are now more expensive than apples in Nigeria.  
Good morning, it's 4am right now and I'm writing this on my bed while everyone else is asleep. This is tinglingteenonair and it's your girl Paxxy. 

Today I just want to talk about how this whole tomatoes debacle is affecting us teenagers, like it's not only the adults that are affected at all ( although technically I'm not a teenager but I sure get it). Firstly, there's the fact that there's no more rice and stew ( asin who knew I could  miss it?) and unfortunately it's not just rice and stew,it also includes anything pertaining to tomatoes( which is a lot) even jollof rice is taking the heat. It's like a whole new problem. Secondly, every other thing is also expensive: rice, pepper, tin tomatoes, beans, you name it which leads to the third problem no money in circulation; and when there's no money in circulation, you get cranky parents. 

Cranky parents is a whole new level on it's own. That means you can't do anything wrong else you'll get shouted at, insulted or even get hit ( depending on your parents level of irritation). So basically everything could go wrong just because of an increase in the price of tomatoes. And that's still different from the whole dollar problem with the naira falling everyday, which is also different from the fuel subsidy business ( Like seriously) it's like the list just goes on and on. 

My take on everything is that instead of getting angry and depressed, why not keep a positive attitude. That might not change things but it'll definitely keep you happy after all, that's all you really can do. That'll be all for now, I'll be signing off now ( because I really have got to sleep).  If you've got any contributions tweet me @marianne_sweet and I'll get back to you.
 #tinglingteenonair #justme #teenproblems

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R is for Relationships

10:44 Unknown 0 Comments


So this is Tinglingteenonair and it's your girl Paxxy coming to you all the way from IB city in Nigeria and I gotta say that it's a lovely evening and I'm  just happy I can be a part of it; counting my blessings right this minute. So..

"It's not everyday that you feel great or super excited and it's not everyday you feel like everything has come crashing down, some days are just in between and that's okay too"

Actually, that's something I just thought of right now. Well, what I really want to talk about is.. Wait for it... Relationships. Not your relationship with your friend or the one with your parents but the one everyone thinks of nowadays, the 'romantic' relationship.  As a teenager, you definitely become more aware of it and it sometimes feels like that's what everyone is talking about these days. I just thought I'll give my own take on it. I think that instead of looking everywhere for Mr Right, finding faults with every single potential marriage mate just because he or she isn't perfect, why not just be Mrs Right?    You know how relationships get sometimes now, it feels like everybody else has found someone but you, it can be heartbreaking too. I have been there but the one thing I've also learnt is that you have to learn to let go. To stop feeling so sorry for yourself, to become the best version of you and to have as much fun as you can.
 For me, I have totally enjoyed building a better me, a better, cooler, more fun and more intense Me! And believe it or not, I am loving every single moment of it. I am making friends, reaching goals I never thought I could, writing again and basically having the Best time of my life. So yes, that's my take on relationships, go for it when it's in front of you but even when it's not, don't spend all your time feeling sorry for yourself. You Are Complete!
#tinglingteenonair #keepingitreal #girlpower

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It's a Mother Daughter thing

17:31 Unknown 0 Comments

.So this week, I want to go a little deeper and talk about something really dear to my heart.it's something I stumbled on and couldn't help sharing, I felt like I just had to say something. It was so emotional and very close to home because I have often felt that way too. 

 I read a book recently about the mother, daughter relationship and I couldn't stop the tears ( it was that emotional!)  It's one of the most complicated relationships you'll ever come across and yet it's one that makes a wealth of difference. The book I read was a series consisting of 2 books and it explored 3 generations of that relationship. The first mother wanted to strengthen her daughter so she alienated her and made her work hard hoping that will be the greatest proof of her love. The second generation, who was the daughter in the first, decided to do the opposite of what her mother did to her and so she gave her daughter freedom and urged her to play and think ( on her own ); this also caused a big rift between them. It even led to her being abused ( sexually and emotionally ) and leaving home. She got pregnant and came back home, she was forced to give up her child to her mother and felt under appreciated both ways. So by the third generation, the daughter was closer to her grandmother than to her mother which happened in the second generation too. The three mothers felt that their children did not love them or appreciate them but they were proud of them whereas the daughters also felt that their mothers didn't love them and couldn't care less.
   
As I read that book I couldn't help but think of the many mother daughter relationships that sound just like that, maybe not that heartbreaking though, but you know that whole you'll never measure up feeling as if your mum couldn't care less what happens to you as long as you're becoming strong enough to keep your own home. So many times I've heard girls talk about how  much they love their dads, they can tell them anything without pressure, how their mum just makes everything seem difficult. It's as if everything about that relationship is threatened until you're about 30 or so and can totally relate to her feelings which makes me wonder why we can't have that bond grow throughout without waiting so long for it. Is it so impossible to show love, support, care while at the same time building another generation of mothers and homemakers?  Or am I the only one who thinks there's something wrong? That we should always stick together and show love as females not just keep it all in or  shower it all on the males.
    So how about this, why not say a private thank you to your mother or have that conversation you keep having with your girlfriends with her because when it comes down to it, she's your first God given girlfriend and she'll do anything for you. Her love goes beyond time and season, it's real and it's enduring. Here's to all mothers who do it all and the daughters who wish to be half as good.
                                                                                           Till next time.... It's  
                                                                                                                        Paxxy.
              
  

0 comments:

Just random

08:04 Unknown 0 Comments

Hey there! How's it going? Hope life isn't as boring as mine has been lately. I feel like I can't even get my creative juices flowing, I haven't been able to get out more than a sentence which is why I haven't written anything in a while. I'm trying though which is why I'm writing right now.

If you're wondering,I'm on holiday (which is why I'm bored not stressed out) for 3 months ( don't ask). The holiday has been life changing though, I've reconnected with an old friend, discovered the joy of great friends, had lots of fun with my cousins ( who drive me crazy sometimes), found my solitude again and basically changed a bit (I'll tell you all about it in another post).  Now, my boredom hasn't been totally falling useless, it's got me thinking....

When it's all quiet and it's just you, what do you think of?
For me, my first thought is probably food (LOL) and sleep too ( making me officially lazy). Back to serious stuff, I usually think of what the future holds, you know,  something like "what'll my kids look like? What's my marriage going to look like? Who am I going to get married to? Have I met him? Will I fulfill all my goals?" ( and on and on). The one thing I noticed though is that it's all about the future, mostly marriage and kids, and less about the present. Kinda makes me feel sad that I'm not appreciating the present, I'm so caught up in what the future holds that I can't even see what's right in front of me.
What about you? What are your thoughts?
As I await your replies, let me leave you with something I found on Twitter.
    

                                    
                                     Till next time... It's

                                                               Paxxy.   

0 comments:

The Bitter Truth

09:59 Unknown 0 Comments

Loneliness is like a cloak that can be put on and off, it comes and goes. And sometimes it grips you and never lets go.
  I am one of those who has personally experienced the truthfulness of those words.  I can be in a crowd of people and be so alone. Unfortunately, loneliness is not always noticed, it happens even to the best of us.  We are all so busy living that we fail to notice those who are down and depressed. They hide behind perfect smiles and joyful humor.  Sometimes it gets so bad that they are willing to end it all and reject everyone but what we fail to realise is that all they really need is just a friend, a listening ear and an open heart.
I seem so normal, so friendly and nice but I guess the scars are always carefully hidden,  that's why they are scars. The only thing that got me out of that dark place was God and friends.  To a lot of people depression is not real but it is very real, it destroys lives and families. We all need to be aware of it and to fight it.  It's a fight we can win and one that can only start with You.
  I hope you have a lovely week and you take the time to care for those around you.
                                        Till next time... It's
                                                          Paxxy.
                                      

0 comments:

Just for you

02:00 Unknown 0 Comments

This week I am going to post one of my poems. Hope you like it.




       You walk in,
        He's there
        Standing, waiting....
 
        You turn
         He's beside you
         Standing, waiting....
 
        You lost it
         You scream, cry
          Bursting at the seams
          He's there, holding you
          Standing, waiting....

         You leave
          Refreshed, happy
          Not realizing you're breaking him
          And he's still there
          Just for you
          Standing, waiting....

0 comments:

Good Enough?

11:40 Unknown 0 Comments



Ever felt like everything you do will never be good enough. Like you are always going to be one step behind no matter what. Well, that explains my whole life. Sometimes it feels like even if I work through the day it still won't be good enough, I'll always be missing something. you know those moments when your mum asks you to clean and you do it all day and you think you've got it all covered ( like good job girl!) and your mum comes in and says "Why did you leave this part?" ( and you're just there like 'What! After everything I've done).
  And somehow, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Most of my friends and cousins feel like they are under appreciated and not good enough. Like they'll never measure up to parents and society's idea of them. It's like a giant rock on your shoulders that you just can't carry.  Yes, living up to these expectations can weigh you down so what you need is a different approach to it.
 For me, I try to always appreciate myself and give myself a pat on the back. I don't need anyone to validate me and I am not trying to live up to impossible standards. The easiest way to happiness is to just enjoy the moments and set goals for yourself, making sure to appreciate yourself when you achieve them. Let the parentals do their job and do yours ( it's their job to always find faults, I think. It's called building you up or something).
 And that's my contribution for this week.
                                                                                                              Till next time...it's
                                                                                                                                           Paxxy.
                                

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